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Top 10 Reasons NOT to Play the Bassoon

10. If you are afraid of clowns, it’s been called the CLOWN OF THE ORCHESTRA!

9. They cost to much to buy. But if you have a rich Grandma you could sucker her into getting you one and pay for lessons and reeds.

8. Some people call the bassoon a belching bedpost. How repulsive is that?

7. If you hate jigsaw puzzles, don’t get a bassoon. It has too many parts that have to fit together. (See Bob’s bio)

6. If you decide to take up the bassoon in school, most school bassoons really suck. See #9.

5. It’s heavy and you need two strong hands to hold it up, and you need be handy to play one, and you need to have well educated thumbs. How many instruments actually require you to use all five digits on both hands to play it and hold it up?

4. It been called an ill wind that nobody blows good. (We actually think this refers to the contrabassoon!)

3…..No number three. Bob is too busy making bassoon reeds to get to this….check back. Maybe making and scraping reeds is a good reason not to play bassoon? AND reeds are really expensive to buy. See #9.

2. The name for the bassoon in German is das Fagott. AKA a bundle of sticks….Enough said?

1. (A little fanfare on a bassoon reed) Some think the bassoon is a phallic symbol. Is that cool or what?

Top 10 Reasons to Play the Bassoon

10. A bassoon looks awesome in the gun rack of your pickup truck.

9. If you go to a costume party you can remove the crook and go as Captain Hook.

8. The big end works great with your shop-vac.

7. If you’ve lost your bong, you’ve got it made.

6. Attached batteries and a stun gun and you have a cattle prod for the barnyard.

5. You can blow up balloons on the big end, or perhaps other latex items.

4. If you cross the bassoon with an onion you get music that brings tears to your eyes.

3. You can whack knees with it (Tonya) or fend off wolves.

2. If you put the bell up to your ear against the wall you can hear what people in the next room are saying about you.

1. For an instrument that pretty much sucks, the bassoon offers pure blowing satisfaction.

What are some of your reasons for playing the bassoon? What are some reasons for NOT playing the bassoon? Let us know!

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